the things that are in my mind right now:

i am not good at social things
i can't do anything right
i am unhappy with myself, with my personality
i'm unhappy with my body
i am lazy
most of my friends don't like me as much as they like their other friends
i am irresponsible
i am not funny
i am unimportant
i am inappropriate

i know there are partial truths in all of these. i am some of those things, to some degree. i don't know which ones are true and which aren't. it's like a vacuum, nothing sounds right, nothing feels right, it's inescapable. if i am not extraordinary, i am nothing.

i'm tired of asking questions. i'm tired of leads as to what could be wrong or what could fix me that never pan out. truth is, i just need to change the way i think about myself. it's as simple and as impossible as that. this feels like a disease, like something i'm not controlling, but something that's happening to me.